Before the whistle blows, before the cleats hit the turf, before the snack schedule gets sorted, there’s one question every youth soccer (sports) parent should ask:
What do I actually want my child to get out of this?
And here’s the kicker: your answer might not match your child’s. That’s not a problem, it’s an opportunity.
🎯 The Goal-Setting Conversation That Changes Everything
Ask them:
“Why do you want to play soccer?” “What are you hoping to get out of it?”
Then share your own goals. Here’s a starter list to spark the conversation:
Try ranking your top 3. Then ask your child to do the same. You might be surprised. One parent’s top goal was “scholarship.” Their child’s? “Fun.” That’s not a mismatch, it’s a moment for empathy, clarity, and connection.
🧠 Why This Exercise Matters
- It helps us talk about our hopes, not just react to outcomes.
- It reminds us that youth sports are a classroom for life.
- It opens the door to honest conversations, not lectures, with our kids.
- And it reveals something powerful: There’s no one-size-fits-all answer.
🗣️ What Other Parents Said
“The day it’s no longer fun is the day I stop shuttling my kids to practice.” Yael, Oakland, CA
“Confidence was the greatest gift sports gave me. I want my daughter to have that.” Lindsay, St. Louis, MO
“We always stop for ice cream after the game. Win or lose. That routine matters.” Brandon, St. Louis, MO
These aren’t just quotes. They’re reminders that our reactions, routines, and reflections shape how our kids experience sports and life.
💬 What Would You Say?
Imagine this: Your child misses the last penalty-kick in an overtime shootout. Game over. What do you say on the ride home?
Some parents stay silent until their child brings it up. Others offer reassurance. Some talk mechanics later. One parent just keeps the ice cream tradition alive.
There’s no perfect response. But there is a perfect mindset: Your child is more than their performance. Your love is not conditional on a scoreboard. Your presence is the most powerful coaching tool you have.
🧭 Final Whistle Wisdom
Winning is great. But it’s not the only goal. As parents, our job isn’t to chase trophies; it’s to help our kids grow into confident, kind, resilient humans.
So next time you’re packing the shin guards, take a moment to ask:
“What are we really playing for?”
And if you’re not sure how to start that conversation, start with ice cream. 🍦
Your FUNdamental,
Koach Karl
Karl Dewazien
• Emeritus Director of Coaching - California Youth Soccer Assoc. 1979-2012
• Author - Internationally Published FUNdamental SOCCER Book Series
- Producer – highly acclaimed ‘FUNdamental SOCCER -Practice’ DVD.
- Clinician at: www.fundamentalsoccer.com
- Can be reached at: koachkarl@fundamentalsoccer.com
One Response
I appreciate this writeup a lot, it’s great. Having parent and player interact in an exercise where they are both identifying the WHY is exactly the type of conversations we should be having at home before we even get to the field 🙏